Thursday, March 22, 2012

Happy Birthday Big Poppa!

I know every mother says this, but I can't believe he's a year already. It seems like just a few weeks ago that I was rocking him on my chest and he was so tiny (well as tiny as my babies get). Our journey to bring Austin into our lives started a lot longer than a year ago. Jim and I tried for a year and a half to have another baby. We both felt very strongly that we had another child waiting for us and we were both sure it was another little boy. We were just about to start Intrauterine Insemination when we found out we were pregnant (without any help). I was so excited and surprised! We couldn't believe it! Then just 8 weeks later we lost that little angel and we were both devastated. I wanted to stop trying. I didn't want to do fertility treatments. My heart was broken and I didn't want to hurt anymore. I started praying that Heavenly Father would take away my desire for another child, that He would help me not have this feeling that there was another baby out there for us because I was done. I didn't want to see another negative pregnancy test and I certainly didn't want to risk another miscarriage. About 3 weeks after we lost the pregnancy I had this overwhelming feeling to try one more time. The Spirit told me that we did indeed have another little one waiting for us, so Jim and I prayed about it and we both knew we needed to try one more time. We found out that Austin was on his way not quite 2 weeks later. My pregnancy with Austin was difficult. I had a lot of scares and I was sure I was going to miscarry again. I was on bedrest and I had morning sickness for at least half of my pregnancy with him, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

Austin arrived in our lives one year ago today. He is my miracle baby. Both Jim and I knew that he was just waiting for his time to join our family. I remember staring at Austin just amazed at how beautiful and perfect he was (and is). I had these moments with Jackson, but he was so new and I was so inexperienced it wasn't as easy to just relax and breathe in that new baby smell and just adore him. I didn't make that same mistake with Austin. I still don't. Just today he fell asleep in my arms and I kissed his little head and thanked Heavenly Father one more time for my sweet baby boy.

Austin is so cuddly and lovable. He loves to nuzzle himself right under my chin. I think he likes to hear the sound of my voice and to listen to me breathe. He loves to crawl back and forth between Jim and me giving us each hugs every time he reaches us. He's very inquisitive. And he must taste everything, good food, dirty shoes, whatever he can get his hands on. He just began standing alone in the last week or so, it's his latest trick.

Happy birthday to my Little Tiny with his gentle eyes and his sweet little smile. He is a thousand prayers answered and the 3rd love of my life. I love my littlest beautiful boy.

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