What I'm grateful for...

I have been debating whether or not to publicly announce what our family has been through recently, but I decided to tell our story because of the many blessings we have received from all those that love us.  Jim and I got a little surprise awhile back when we found out that Nuffer baby #3 on the way (hence I've been "sick" for so long).  We weren't expecting another baby, but we were ecstatic nonetheless.  We had a lot of ups and downs with this pregnancy, beginning with a miscarriage scare due to my low pregnancy hormone numbers that weren't doubling correctly.  I went in to my first OB appointment expecting to confirm a miscarriage, but miraculously, there was a tiny little bean with a beautiful beating heart.  It was the 3rd most beautiful little heart I have ever seen. My OB warned me that our baby was still in the danger zone and he sent me to see a specialist the following week.  Again, miraculously, the following week our little bean had grown and had an even stronger heartbeat.  The specialist warned us that he was still leery and wanted to see us back in two weeks to make sure every thing was ok.  Unfortunately, that's where our good news ends.  A week ago today I went in for my second appointment with the specialist and our newest little bug was no longer with us.  Our little bug's heart stopped beating and growth had stopped shortly after our last visit.  My body was unaware anything was wrong with the pregnancy so I was scheduled for a D&C last week, the day before Thanksgiving.  Our hearts were broken, but I think the hardest part was telling Jackson that the baby was gone.

I'm telling our story not because I want to dwell on our sadness or our loss, but because of how loved I felt after hearing we lost our little bug.  We told only a few immediate family members and a few friends as we were worried that things might not turn out well.  I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and love that we were given by just the few people that knew.  Our wonderful friends offered their prayers, their support, dinners for our family, everyone offered to watch our boys whenever we needed (even during a holiday), they offered their shoulders to cry on, they offered to stay with me after the procedure, and everyone sent their love to us.  I have never felt more loved and supported by people that I know Heavenly Father sent to us in his physical absence.  I prayed throughout this whole pregnancy that Heavenly Father would prepare my heart for whatever may happen, and I know He did.  Not only has He prepared me spiritually and emotionally, but He sent His best people to love and hug me through this heartbreaking loss.  Even though my heart hurts, I can't help but feel overwhelmingly blessed because of how much love I have in my life.  Of course, it doesn't hurt that we have two perfectly healthy and beautiful boys at home, and I'm married to the most wonderful human being I've ever met either.  ;)

Recently, I came across a Dr. Suess quote, "Don't cry because it's over, but smile because it happened".  We did lose our sweet littlest bug, but so much love and so many blessings came from this pregnancy that I am so grateful for every moment of it.  Till we meet again, my little June Bug...